Let Us Celebrate (1)

As advent progresses we have the opportunity to meditate on and celebrate what Christmas is all about. During the past week I've reflected on Christ and His coming and how it has changed history.  "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain" "There is so much to learn, to reflect on to appreciate it. So much to teach us how wonderful God is.

A question that comes back to me is why did Jesus have to come to earth and live as we live and suffer as we suffer and die as we die? Surely God could have zapped grace down into the world. Surely God didn't have to watch His Son endure such a terrible passion. I don't know why God organized history to necessitate His Son coming. I am though, wonderfully glad that He did it that way.

We know that the most motivational leader is the one who has walked where we walked and walked on. The leader who has fought the same battles as I'm fighting and emerged victorious is the one I want to take life lessons from. Perhaps God could have saved humanity without Jesus needing to suffer. The fact that Jesus did come and suffer means that God understands us. He understands that we need something tangible. In Jesus we have a savior, a role model, a hero, a King who understands experientially the universal human condition. He lived our life and felt our confusion. Today I'm celebrating Jesus who is the sort of Being that didn't have to suffer but chose to suffer to make it easier for us. I know Jesus isn't just an abstract idea who has been written about. He was and is and will continue to be very real, and practically helpful on a regular basis. Everything about Him makes Him the sort of person that I'd want to submit to. He is kind, caring, personable and right. He doesn't baby His students or do anything other than what's for our best interest.

In this Christmas season for most of us celebration will just happen whether we plan it or not. I think though we ought to choose the reasons for which we celebrate this season and not let the season choose them for us. It's easy to get swept up in the excitement and forget where you're going.

Three Necessities Of Wisdom

I'm having this problem. Often as I approach the end of the workday I get all excited thinking to myself how productive I will be once I finish working. I plan out some great blogpost full of wit and practical wisdom. However, I walk upstairs to my apartment, sit down on my bed take off my boots, lie back and my well laid plans muddle themselves up and are forgotten in the battle against the desire to just sit and not move or think for awhile. Of course there is a healthy place for simply sitting and resting, as there is for making plans and sticking to them no matter how tiresome the process.

Tonight though I'm going to blog and we'll just see what happens. We have three things that are necessary for wisdom. Theory, method and practice. Theory is the primary concept. Method is the means of realizing that concept. Practice is the ability to actually implement the method. A theory is that food is necessary for the body. Method is a plan to prepare food and input it into the body. Practice is my actually capability to cook and prepare what my theory has told me is important. People can be very skilled but never get anywhere because they don't know what method to use. People can have all the write concepts and never accomplish anything because they don't know how to make plans.

As a human being I am weak, incapable and often plain wimpy. However as a Christian I am empowered to understand and live the theory, method and practice of the ideal human life. First by the Father who represents the theory. He knows whats wrong and what needs to be done to fix it. Secondly, my methodology comes from the Son who lived a human life as an example that we might follow in His steps. Essentially the method of fixing the problems we face is to receive the cross and all that it means and bear it in accordance with Jesus' commands.

And here we often stop and get frustrated, or guilty, or confused or lazy or all of them combined. We know that humanity is broken and only on a path to self destruction. We can see through secular history the slow destruction of the image of God in the human being. We recognize our brokenness and our need for a Savior. We accept the overwhelming evidence that points to Jesus as a real life Being who lived and worked in real time and made claims and promises and predictions that could be tested and have been tested and have been found trustworthy. And so we set out to model ourselves after whatever sort of lifestyle we think of when we hear the name Jesus. But we can't do it, we get messed up and disappointed and sidetracked. Which is why we need the third person of the trinity. The Holy Spirit. To be possessed by the Holy Spirit is a confusing topic and one that I don't come close to fully understanding. I did recently read a thought from C.S. Lewis which I found very helpful. He says,

" For each of us the Baptist’s words are true: “He must increase and I decrease.” He will be infinitely merciful to our repeated failures; I know no promise that He will accept a deliberate compromise. For He has, in the last resort, nothing to give us but Himself; and He can give that only in so far as our self-affirming will retires and makes room for Him in our souls."

The Holy Spirit is what enables us to actually do what Jesus commands us to do. We are called to be perfect and God does not command us to do impossible things. By ourselves we can not be perfect. With Him we can become perfect and more, moving on from perfection to perfection in a never ending journey of glorious victory. I end this post here. I hope you will not forget theory, method and practice. You can be the best at one and be a useless human being. Let God teach you to be good at what you are bad at. Instead of focusing only on your strengths open yourself up to God's power and humble yourself as He works in us to make something beautiful and glorious out of plain old me and you. 

Relationship With God (Obedience)

Every relationship has a recipe. Every recipe has its essentials. Recipes also have subsidiary ingredients. Like you can make English tea without sugar and milk it just won't be very good. You can make a pie without filling and take great pictures of it but as soon as you try and enjoy it's taste, the pictures won't look as tasty anymore. Some people try to have a relationship with God but they miss alot of the subsidiary ingredients. Say a person believes in Jesus and is trying to obey Him but they've forgotten that obeying Jesus is supposed to be something that we want to do, not that we just have to force ourselves to do. They have the necessary ingredients, faith and works but they've missed the joy that makes a relationship with God sustainable. Other people can look from the outside like their relationship with God is vibrant, like the pie with no filling but once you bite into that person you realize how they are just an empty crust.

Anyway, so this post is about ingredients for relationship with God. Several come to mind right away, things like faith, love, hope, discipline, prayer, time, desire and others. Faith in a triune God who is just and merciful and loves His children and always keeps His word. Love for God and for the things that He loves. Hope in God's promises. Discipline of ourselves for we are stupid creatures of habit that will continue destroy ourselves by eating at places like McDonalds and watching shows like Family Guy and sleeping in past twelve oclock and knowing more about current celebrities than we know about past leaders and on and on. Prayer to communicate with God. Time spent with God and with His people and with His creation. Desire to see God glorified and honored. Obviously, no relationship with God is the same, so how much of these ingredients and in what order they are combined will look differently depending on the person.

One specific ingredient though that I read about earlier is obedience. Obedience is a simple concept but it is often terribly difficult in practice. Meaning, it's not complex when the Bible says forgive your enemy but it's often a really painful and emotional process. It's not complex when Jesus commands us to be baptized but it can be awkward and embarrassing for some people. Anyway, in Luke 17:11-19 Jesus is traveling and is met by ten lepers. They ask Him to have mercy on them. He doesn't really respond to their question. He doesn't say yes, or no, or if you do this and this and this than I'll have mercy on you. He gives them a specific command. He tells them to go and show themselves to the priest. Now the priests would be the ones who can officially declare someone a leper and therefore an outcast or if a leper had been healed they could declare them officially clean. So essentially what Jesus is doing is saying to these men go and act like your clean. I know your body is still destroying itself and your still covered in oozing sores and puss but I want you to go to the priest and tell them that you are healed.

I know several people, actually, I take that back, everybody in the world sins. Some people ask God to forgive their sins, which He does but they don't feel it. And than they sin again and they wonder why they did it. Than they get stuck and just kinda wait in their sin for God to fix them and forgive them and generally they are just sorta confused and feel bad and want in some sense to be better because they know experientially how sucky sin is. What I think Jesus is saying to the lepers and what hes saying to you and me is that He has and is and continues to have mercy on us. What we need to do is get up and start acting healed. Yes we still have the habits of our sinful ways just like the lepers still had the visible signs of their leprosy. But what does the passage say?  "And as they went, they were cleansed." We don't become pure by sitting around waiting for Jesus to cleanse us. It's in our obedience to His commands that we experience the benefits of His mercy. Jesus had mercy on the lepers, probably even before they asked. They couldn't experience the healing power of His mercy until after they got up, and walked in obedience to His commands.

I think we need to take a lesson from these lepers. We need to stop sitting in the woes of our own situation and humbly obey the merciful commands of our savior. I believe that in obedience is the cure to our sin and all the negative consequences of our sin. God rarely ever just zaps somebody into holiness or purity or joy or love. He  does though provide counsel and prescriptions it's up to us though everyday to decide how we going to obey. C.S. Lewis said,

 The real trouble about the duty of forgiveness is that you do it with all your might on Monday and then find on Wednesday that it hasn’t stayed put and all has to be done over again."

And so we have this choice, everyday to decide will we go and show ourselves to the priest? Will we, despite feeling depressed, give praise to our King who makes the moon shine and the birds sing in the morning. When we feel guilty will we thank our savior who poured out His blood that we can walk in newness of life? When we feel discouraged and alone will we remember Jesus when all His friends left Him to face the most trying night in human existence, alone, and remember His words, "take heart, for I have overcome the world." In obedience the lepers found a cure for their illness. As we walk in obedience and experience freedom from our sin let's not forget to be like the Samaritan leper who returned and gave praise to God who is the author of our healing. For it is not the action of our obedience that gives power to heal but the person being obeyed who provides all that's required.

Go in peace in the faith that makes us well.

Life Update

After living at home for twenty years and two months I actually managed to acquire a working position which has transformed my day to day existence into something terribly reminiscent of what I think adults usually have in their lives. I live at Radnor Hunt Club in Malvern PA. The oldest fox hunting club in the US. I am employed by Susie Beale who rents space from the club and operates a full service equine facility. This is her website I have lived here for two weeks and I feel like I've been here for months and months. My current position is simply a thirty day trial period determining whether I am  good fit for a longer six month working student position. So my life is full of newness and I'm going to share some with you. 

Here is a list of all the sorts of new things I have in my life

1. My own room. It's nice. 

2. An apartment. I live above a barn with haylofts on both sides of the living space. 

2.5 Two housemates who I knew nothing about prior to moving in.

3. 60+ hour work week. 

4. A different landscape. I live in Malvern PA. 

5 The street signs here are white with green letters. 

6. A whole new sort of coworkers who are different in age, ethnicity and worldview than me. 

7. I have more to do than time to do it. 

8. I don't have very many sit down meals. 

Yeah so it's weird and new and sometimes scary and sometimes exciting and sometimes annoying and sometimes hard and sometimes fun but really, honestly it reminds me alot of life at home. On the surface things have changed. I can't read or write or pray or build relationships as much as I used to. Deep down though nothings really different. Each day still begins with new challenges and each day God provides grace for each circumstance. Each day I can go to bed thankful and humbled. Thankful for what God did for me and humbled by the reality of what tomorrow would be like if He decided to take a day off. I interact with different people but each conversation is still an opportunity to love that person. "Lord how can I show You to this person?" Is still the defining perspective when dealing with people. 

A normal day for me here has six constant aspects, although, depending on weather, shows and divine intervention days sometimes become abnormal. 

1. Waking up (usually happens 5:45) 

2. Feeding and T/O (7:00) horses get fed and T/O which means turned out. The horses that were out all night get taken in and a new batch of horses are rotated out into the pastures to get sometime in the sun. Than I muck stalls for a few hours. 

3. T/O (11:00ish) After four hours or so the morning horses are brought in and any horses that didn't get let out already are led out. After the new horses are rotated out I'll generally clean tack(bridles, saddles and girths) for people who have been exercising the horses. I'll usually go for lunch around 1:30ish 

4. Feeding 2:30  The horses get fed again. The late afternoon I'll groom any horses that need to be groomed that day which can be as few as six to as many as fourteen. 

 

5. Night prep and T/O. About 4:30 I usually start getting the horses ready for the night. Depending on the weather the horses need blankets. The horses that go out for the night also where boots to help protect their hooves. Than I'll T/O the night horses which on a normal night is twelve going in various groups to seven separate fields. . Usually lessons will go until 6 and students will hang around until 6:30ish so after they leave I am basically done. 

6. Night Check The last thing that gets done happens around 9:30 when we go and take a last look at all the horses. Give all the horses some hay for the night and just basically check to make sure no horse really hurt themselves and is bleeding out. 

Goodnight for now, Enjoy this song. I hope to write again later his week continuing on with the theme of relationship with God. 

Relationship with God (His Will, Real Life Example)

I am excited as movie makers continue to craft movies based on the Biblical narrative. One story I really hope they make a movie about is the story of Esther. It literally has everything Hollywood could want in a movie. It has drama, romance, sex, violence, assassins, politics, genocide and a whole lot more.

The following passage stood out to me as I was reading. Esther 4:13-17 

Then Mordecai told them to reply to Esther, "Do not think to yourself that in the king's palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place but you and your father's house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" Then Esther told them to reply to Mordecai, "Go gather all the Jews to be found in Susa and hold a fast on my behalf, and do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my young women will also fast as you do. Then I will go to the King, though it is against the law and if I perish, I perish. Mordecai then went away and did everything as Esther had ordered him. 

Essentially, God will do what God wants to do regardless of human participation. Mordecai understands this and realizes that no matter how Esther acts or doesn't at, God will keep His promise to His people and will provide deliverance.  Mordecai also understands that God likes to use people to accomplish His will and so He encourages Esther to be apart of what God is going to do. 

Now Esther is, as we might expect her to be, confused, uncertain and probably scared. Yet her response is beautiful. She doesn't complain, "oh sucks to me" as we often do. She doesn't "wait on God to give her a sign" Another classic Christian cop out. She embraces the reality of the situation and steps forward in faith. Faith in God not faith for a specific result. I think a big misunderstanding we have about faith is that we think we're supposed to have faith for something to happen. When the truth is we are supposed to have faith in Him who can make all things come about. Rather than me having faith that "God will heal this person." I need to have faith in "God who is the healer" Esther doesn't know what will happen to her. She knows that God will keep His promises but if she perishes, she perishes.  

We have much in common with Esther and we can learn much from her example. Like Esther we don't know the future or all the ramifications of our actions. Like Esther we don't have a perfect understanding of how God's will applies specifically to the day to day interaction of our lives. Like Esther we have different "good" forces telling us to act different ways. For Esther, she had Mordecai on one hand giving her advice and on the other side she had the law which threatened her with death. From Esther we can learn to not hide from what's happening around us. From Esther we can learn that death, perishing, shouldn't hinder us from doing what we know is right. From Esther we can learn that God will keep His promises. From Esther we can learn that we don't need to have all the answers before we should just jump in and do our best. 

Life is a daunting task and the world is a big place. If Esther can embrace her reality and step forward in faith not being sure of the result. Than I know in my comfortable 21st century American life I can embrace the life that God has given me and be His ambassador wherever I happen to be. 

This antique is of me in 2009 when I played Mordecai in an epic church drama. 

Relationship With God (Forgiveness)

Bless the Lord of my soul,

and forget not all his benefits

who forgives all your iniquity

who heals all your disease

Psalm 103:2-3

Through faith the promises of God become tangible realities. The truth of God's mercy and grace remains simply a truth until the Church becomes the legs for that truth to become proclaimed throughout the world. King David, in the midst of his own life full trials and tribulations reminds himself who God is. It's easy to shake a fist at God, to blame Him for the negative things going on, to demand justice, as if one could put God on trial and demand an explanation for things one doesn't understand. David could have done this. He had many really awful things that happened which would have given him "evidence against God" The reality of course is that the same God who isn't exacting "justice" on random bad guy who we think deserves it, is the same God that isn't exacting justice on you and me for the ungodliness within ourselves. 

The correct response is a recognition of our own inadequacy, faith that God is good and an intentional remembering of who He is and all that He has done, is doing and will do. In this posture of humility and grace we can fulfill  the command to forgive others as Christ has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32)  and experience the joy that heaven has when a sinner turns and repents. 

The quality of mercy is not strain'd,

It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven

Upon the place beneath: it is twice blest;

It blesseth him that gives and him that takes:

'Tis mightiest in the mightiest: it becomes

The throned monarch better than his crown;

His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,

The attribute to awe and majesty,

Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;

But mercy is above this sceptred sway;

It is enthroned in the hearts of kings,

It is an attribute to God himself;

And earthly power doth then show likest God's

When mercy seasons justice. 

Relationship WIth God (The Like Factor)

I have been made aware of an unfortunate reality. It came about as a result of the this abridged version of my mental dialogue.

Hey Caleb,

hey

Do we love God?

probably

Is there a way to tell if we love God?

Love for God is defined by obedience. (John 14:23)

Do we like God?

sure, probably

But do we like God?

Don't be weird.

No, for real, how can we say we love God if you don't like  Him? How can we be excited for heaven which is eternal fellowship with God if we don't even enjoy hanging out with Him here?

ummmm well I will think about that.

Conclusion: I don't really like God that much, I don't wake up in the morning excited for a new day full of God's presence. I look forward to being with God because it prepares me for life not because I like just being with God. I obey God because He is my Lord. I honor God because He is my savior. I don't like God because I just don't know him as a very likable person. To me He seems big impersonal demanding and often cold and insensitive.

Click the link http://ask.fm/sirlagan ask me a question.

Someone asked me a question about heroes. My brain got excited because I have lots of heroes. Military heroes(Robert E Lee, Genghis Khan Isoroku Yamamoto) religious heroes (Athanasius, Paphutius, Hudson Taylor), fictional heroes(Gandalf, Reepicheep, Luna Lovegood.) As I was creating this long mental list I had this realization. "Gosh, Jesus is not on this list, shouldn't He be on this list? Why isn't He on this list? What the heck is wrong with me, if anyone is heroic Jesus is the ultimate hero of heroes. Like every conceivable definition for hero applies to Jesus.All the avengers and Batman together aren't worth half of Jesus"

Whenever I think about or read books my heroes my heart goes pitter patter and jumpity bump in my chest. I am inspired and humbled and motivated all at the same time. And now it's like what do I do now? If anyone should inspire us it's Jesus. But the reality is, for most of us He doesn't We read about Him, we watch movies about Him, we hear from other people about Him. We are thankful for Jesus, we praise Him and we try to obey Him but when we right down to it most of us don't really like Jesus. Not that we dislike Him but He doesn't come to mind as somebody cool or somebody we want to tell our friends we want to be like. So what do we do with this obvious paradox. What do you do when a person is a certain way and you just don't see it. Someone tells a joke and you recognize the humor and understand the punch line but it just doesn't provoke a laugh? What does it mean when you're driving early in the morning and you see the sun bloom up over a hill in all it's glorious gold and pinks and somehow your soul is not aware of the beauty you know is present? What has happened to Jesus? What have we done to Him that billions of people across the globe can claimed to have been saved by him and yet very few of them will spend as much time with Him as they will with their video game avatars.

This is conjecture now but I think heroes are heroes to us because they make the decisions that we would or like to think we would make in those same circumstances. So if I was the Norse God of Thunder with no college debt and a magical hammer I'd like to believe that I would choose to save mankind and fight for what's right. Now if most of us are honest with ourselves, we wouldn't do things the way Jesus does. Ask yourself, "if I were God with ultimate power and authority would I really let (inset name) have to deal with such a (insert difficult situation)?" We don't understand God, we don't trust God, we don't like His methods and we most of the time we don't really like Him. Maybe we like the way He made us feel that one time but I'd wager that most every human being if given God's power would have done things differently.

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

In the present we are encouraged to delight in the Lord.  Delight in the Lord as He is. Not in what He used to do. Not in what He's going to do. Not in what He did for that other guy. God did not disappear when Jesus rose from the dead nor is He on vacation until when Jesus returns. The Holy Spirit is within believers right now, empowering them and manifesting God's power in the world today. Let us delight ourselves in the Lord. Let us learn to humble ourselves, stop presuming we know better than God how to run the world that He created and just enjoy being His children.

I don't know exactly how to do this. Church History seems to indicate that taking delight in the Lord has looked very different throughout history depending on the specific person involved. Essential principles would be similar to the principles we use when making friends. Our friendships with each other are supposed to be reflections of the relationship within the trinity. So things like being respectful, being honest, being a good listener and being willing to work through misunderstanding and hurt feelings are what will allow us to delight in the Lord.

It's difficult to write all this because it's something I'm very bad at. I write as a student seeking to learn how to delight in the Lord. Despite my lack of knowledge and experience in delighting in the Lord I end this post encouraged. Because, whatever else  this Psalm teaches and despite whatever nonsense I've said in the last few paragraphs I know that God is a delightful being. I can delight in the God of my salvation. I can be inspired, motivated, encouraged and excited by Jesus. He can be my hero in addition to my king and I can wake up tomorrow excited because He will be there to greet me. He'll be in the sun shining in my window. the chill waiting outside my blankets, the unexpected sibling who needs me to drive them and the unexpected cup of tea that mom brings me when I'm feeling depressed about not having a job.

He who has an ear let Him hear what the Spirit of God is whispering to us. 

Relationship With God 1.1

Do you have one? A relationship with God? You do, even if you don't feel it or think it. The nature of God is such that He has relationship with all His creation. The question of importance is what sort of relationship do you have with God? In the heavenly records is your name listed among the rebels from or the citizens of God's Kingdom? 

We get to choose whether we will be servants of God or enemies of God. It's an interesting thing that the God of the universe who has all power at His fingertips has decided to leave that all important decision up to us stupid humans who have a hard time not burning our Pop Tarts. We fill our bodies with poisoned food and fill our minds with poisoned ideas and let our spirits starve but God believes we're equipped to decide our eternal destiny. I suppose if He believes we're capable than we must be capable and there is some comfort in that. I suppose also that if He think's we're capable of deciding our eternal destiny than we're capable of deciding our day to day destiny. 

If we can choose to live in fellowship with God after we die we can choose to live in union with Him before we die. And there is even more comfort in that. It means that I have the choice of deciding whether today I will drink of the life giving salvation that comes from right relationship with God. So what is incorporated in "right relationship with God?" 

What is included in a right relationship with God? 

I don't know. Not specifically. I do know that no two relationships are ever exactly the same. It's dangerous to read biographies of great Christians and seek to emulate them too closely because even if they got their relationship with God exactly right, it doesn't mean that your relationship with God should be that way. 

I also know that having a relationship with Jesus isn't the same as having a relationship with God. Jesus doesn't represent the entirety of God. I heard growing up that you need a relationship with Jesus. "Do what Jesus would do". Why didn't I also hear "Do what the Holy Spirit would do?" or "Do what the Father would do?" Obviously the point isn't to toy with semantics. The point is to live life the way God created us to live. To do that we need to be in relationship with Him and something I've been realizing recently is that fellowship with God includes intimacy with His Spirit. Evangelical Christianity generally speaking talks much more about Jesus than about the Spirit. This makes sense because Jesus is the one who died for our sins, not the Holy Spirit. However the Holy Spirit is the one that makes living as a Christian possible. Jesus went to Heaven and is at the right hand of the Father. The Holy Spirit resides on earth in His temples that are believers. I've just recently needed to reanalyze my understanding of the Holy Spirit and am currently doing alot of reading, praying, soul searching trying to figure out what intimacy with the Holy Spirit looks like. I am excited to write more as God has mercy on me and allows me to fellowship more and more intimately with Him in the days and weeks to come. 

                                       

                              I have been enjoying this song while writing this. Have a great day :) 

An Interview in NYC

It's amazing how fast time goes. One week ago exactly I woke up in a hotel room in Newport RI knowing that Operation Dragon had failed. One week later, Operation Godzilla is in full swing and the prospects of achieving success are high. Objective of Operation Godzilla being to acquire a teaching position in Japan.

In the past week I applied for and asked to attend interviews with three Japanese companies. AEON, Amity and Interac. The Amity interview was this past past weekend. What was originally planned as a fifteen hour short trip to New York City turned into a thirty-eight hour adventure including but not limited to both a group and personal interview. fifteen minutes of live teaching demonstrations, navigating NYC Metro, watching a man in boxers order from Starbucks at 6am, showing up at my second cousins apartment hoping he'd let me spend the night, experimenting with Japanese Curry for the first time and a whole notepad full of random musings and realizations.

I had hoped that leaving NYC I would feel more confident and this mindset of uncertainty would be lessened. That however was not the case. I got pretty sick so I didn't sleep well and coming home on the bus was four hours of sneezing and reusing tissues. To the merited disgust of my bench mate. Certain questions were answered during my time in NYC and others, perhaps more important questions were raised like, even if they offer me the job is it the wisest choice to take it? Its a strange place to not be sure what the ideal scenario is? Yet, that is where I find myself today. My mood is less than good. I don't doubt the love of God but don't know how that should translate into what I can or should expect for my future. I end this post with that uncertainty crowding in on my mind. And I look forward to my next post when I anticipate posting something more uplifting.

When Will My Life Begin

This song is an indicator of what my moods been like for the past week. My mom left with Nathan and Sarah on Monday. So every morning, at 7:30 my dad and siblings leave for work and school. I get the house to myself and while I'm far less industries than Rapunzel, my essential schedule is the same. 1 Read, 2 Clean 3 Brush hair.

"Don't cry over spilled milk" I heard that growing up, usually as a joke when a sibling actually did spill their milk. It is though, common idiom. You probably have heard it also and it makes alot of sense. The principle is, if you can't change something bad that's happened, don't waste time feeling bad about it. 

Several times in my life, I have blundered into a situation in which someone has made a mistake they can't unmistake and they are feeling bad about. I have said something to the effect of, "well, no use moping about it." Rarely does this sort of advice go over well and I apologize if you have been the recipient of my well intentioned but foolish counsel. Last Wednesday I received word that my job in China which I had been planning on and preparing for since May is no longer available to me and that I need to find other work. This news was difficult to process and I was thoroughly displeased. Several hours after the fact, I was displeased that I had been displeased. I had cried over spilled milk a habit I thought I had grown out of in middle school. For the second half of last week I was in a mild state of funk trying to answer the question, "when is it alright to cry over spilled milk?" Humans cry about things all the time. Some times we cry for important things, mostly though we cry and get upset and destroy friendships, hurt people and ignore God over things that really aren't that big of a deal. We make a big mess out of things that started out small. We let a bad grade put us in a bad mood for an entire day. We let a sarcastic joke become a personal insult that festers in our hearts tainting the way we look at that person and the world. I let some sad news alter my perspective for almost an entire week. 

I know some people will say, "well I just feel the way I feel and can't help it." I don't know about that, most people who claim that I think simply just want an excuse to cry over their milk. The only comment I will make is that to give oneself permission to feel a certain way encourages that way of feeling to grow stronger. Personally I very much dislike when my feelings cloud my reason and they become so strong that I have a hard time understanding what's going on around me. Other people seem to enjoy that and maybe it's ok for them to live that way. I assume though, that the salvation of Jesus Christ extends to the entirety of our person. Meaning that as we seek the Lord more and more earnestly our whole personality will shift and alter and become more like Him whom we serve. This results in not just actions becoming more godly but our thoughts, our moods, our instincts will all transform into their godliest aspect. This is very encouraging because it doesn't mean I have to somehow remove sadness from my life, it just means I have to learn what things are worth being sad about, or happy about, or angry about or caring about at all. 

Anyway, I'm kinda done thinking about all that. My conclusion is; when you've spilled milk or someone else has spilled it on you don't spend very long thinking about whether you should cry or not cry. Whether you are crying or not just go clean up the milk and try not to spill it again. 

Fun Fact of Today

The Japanese Imperial Family has ruled Japan for over 2,600 years. 

Emperor Hirohito and Admiral Yamamoto

I also found this gem of a website last week. It includes several speeches by King George VI. 

http://www.royal.gov.uk/pdf/georgevi.pdf

King George VI

                                                         

Red Light 1.0

I've been sitting at a red light waiting for it to turn green. The longest red light in my short history. Waiting, waiting, waiting for my work papers from China to come. I'm so sick of people asking me "why I am still here?" and "when I am planning on leaving?"

Anyway, my thoughts have wandered far afield during the past two weeks as I have been home. Today I read a portion of Isaiah and concluded first that the love of God is very different and far more complex than I had initially supposed.  Isaiah 24:1-3 Says, "Draw near, O nations, to hear; and listen, O peoples! Let the earth and all it contains hear, and the world and all that springs from it. For the Lord's indignation is against all the nations, And His wrath against all their armies; He has utterly destroyed them, He has given them over to slaughter. So their slain will be thrown out, And their corpses will give off their stench, and the mountains will be drenched with their blood." After reading passages like that which are numerous throughout the Bible I've been reconsidering what it means when John says, "Whoever does not love, does not know God for God is love." 1 John 4:8. Christians like to think that "God is love and therefore all his actions must be loving." I don't disagree with this thought but I find myself thinking.
                                                    

The last portion of this post, was an exercise in getting to know myself better. Below are ten books that have stayed in my memory long after memories of once important friendships and previously necessary exam information have faded into nothingness.

1.  Lilith by George McDonald because it taught me that the realm of truth extends beyond the stone and mortar truths of physical data and logical reasoning.
2. Institutes of The Christian Religion by John Calvin because they taught me that God is Sovereign and that life is best when lived in His service.
3. The Three Questions by Leo Tolstoy because it taught me that, "...there is only one time that is important -- Now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power. We can do nothing about yesterday and what happens tomorrow depends on what you do now. The most necessary man is he with whom you are, for no man knows whether he will ever have dealings with any one else: and the most important affair is, to do him good, because for that purpose alone was man sent into this life!'" 
4. Pilgrims Progress by John Bunyan because it taught me that the journey to godliness is fraught with peril but the rewards are well worth the struggle.
5. Notes From The Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky because it taught me how valuable truth is and how dangerous it is to just believe what other people are believing without thinking about it for myself. 
6. Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins because it taught me that just because something is popular doesn't mean it's worth reading. 
7. The Normal Christian Life by Watchmen Nee because it taught me how petty and spiritually small I am. 
8. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius because it taught me that a healthy body is produced from a healthy mentality. 
9. The Imitation of Christ by Thomas a'Kempis because it explains what being a disciple of Jesus is all about. 
10. The Lord of The Rings because it awakens my imagination to think beyond it's usual capacity and discover enriching truths that provide a harvest long after the book has gone back on the shelf. 

Life In Fast Forward 2.0

This picture has three parts. The trees and grass whiz by so fast, while the clouds slowly meander across the sky which remains blue and constant and forever. Our lives also have three components. Aspects of our lives that come flying at us to fast to be properly prepared for and than they vanish never to be seen again. Than their are parts of our lives which slowly morph and change as they make their way across the unchanging sky which are realities, unchanging and constant as the justice of God. I have found myself far too often giving too much attention to the fast flying unimportant details of life and giving too little time to the slowly changing or ever constant parts of my life. Consider the things that make us happy, food, entertainment, humor. These things come, they go and are never heard of again. I don't remember half the food I ate, half the conversations I participated in or half the jokes I laughed at last week.

We let our joy and our sorrow be defined by the things that nobody will remember. We focus so much of our time, our money and our emotion on things that are forgotten within several hours or days. I think we need to turn the tables and let our joys and sorrows, for sorrow also is necessary, to be defined by more of the constant and less of the relative. I've known people who are worried and anxious and jumpy, always trying to take in all the little details of life that fly by too fast to see. Everyday they have a fear of the unexpected. Always busy, never productive they refuse to rest or consider that half of their problems are self created. I've also known people who spend their time only contemplating the absolutes of life leading them to become cold and detached from the realities of everyday life. Alone in their isolated towers of ivory thought they are unknown and unknowable.

Wisdom is not in the middle. Instead wisdom is found in a combination of all three. The picture above would be weird if the blurry grass were removed along with the clear blue sky leaving only the balanced clouds in between. A person must zoom out from their own life and see all it's aspects. Look at the constants which define who you are and the world around you. Consider the slowly changing developments affecting you and those around you. Keep track of although avoid getting lost in the small details of each day. What we eat, where we will sleep, what we will wear these are all important but our heavenly Father knows that we need them and rather than us getting lost or distraught thinking about these lesser things let our hearts and minds dwell on the truths of our God who is more than capable of providing both our needs and our wants. For He is loving and compassionate full of mercy and tenderness towards those who He has made.

I am still waiting for my work papers to arrive from China. I'm attempting to walk in the wisdom that God has given to me which so far has allowed me to not be discouraged, or frustrated or angry. If I'm feeling anything it's confusion. Confusion which I look forward to dissolving within several days. 

Life In Fast Forward 1.0

Location: Simsbury Connecticut
Time: 12:06 PM
Status: Prepared
Resources/money: adequate
Morale: High
Hunger Status: "full"

Life seems to be racing ahead at a pace impossible to follow and yet I find myself not where I planned to be. Regarding my trip to China the situation is out of my control. Currently I need my visa. To obtain my visa I need three documents issued by the Chinese Labor Bureau. Those documents are a Permit For a Foreign Expert to Work in China, an official invitation to come work in the country and a document confirming that I have no dependents coming with me. These documents are currently being processed in Inner Mongolia, China. They were supposed to be completed by August first, allowing for a four day mail time to me. As it stands, the school doesn't know anymore when those documents might be completed and they are requesting me to postpone my flight and simply wait until my documents are completed. They are not willing to cover the expenses of a postponed flight which according to the airline, will run into the 2k+.

Ideally, within the next twenty-four hours my documents will be processed and picked up by someone from the school I'm teaching at. They can scan the documents and email them to me. If they can do that by Friday morning my time I can take a bus down to NYC and get my visa processed that day and depart on Monday as originally planned. (probability = minimal)

Not ideal but more probable is that I'll need to cancel my flight. If I cancel it soon, they'll give me 70% of what I paid towards credit for a new flight so long as I'm willing to abide by about ten million pages of fine print regarding it's use. This will mean simply waiting around until my school lets me know that my documents are ready. At which time I'll buy a new ticket for about 1,000 dollars. And leave at an as yet unknown future date but hopefully before the beginning of September. (probability = probable) :)

A few bits of perspective which are helping me keep morale high are; first, the worst case scenario is really not that bad. Second, I should be able to get a substantial amount of credit towards a new plane ticket from my old plane ticket if I do have to cancel it. Third, I've been super popular the past three weeks and the flood of positive emails, messages, conversations and energy people are sending my way is making it difficult to stay long in a negative frame of mind. Fourth, I bought my first camera which is lots of fun to play with.
Fifth I compiled the playlist of music people have sent me and excluding random band and album suggestions I've had over 80 individual songs recommended to me by 66 individuals. Sixth, I learned how to meditate this way.

Further updates soon to come. Thanks for reading.

Favorite Songs 2

The Call by Celtic Woman

This song is immediately intriguing to me because of the drums. It has earned itself a place among my favorite songs because it describes an experience that is difficult to express in words but seems to be perfectly expressed in this song. Most human beings live life without understanding it's purpose or meaning. We wander from activity to activity, from dream to dream grasping for satisfaction, grasping at fulfillment and never quite reach it. It's only in response to the call of God do we find peace and rest. Only in response to the call can we reach an understanding. Everyday, I wake up and am aware of the call of God upon my life. He calls me in the beauty of sunlight, the smell of coffee, the smile of a friend, the hug of a child and from His printed word. He is calling, often, and our response is what's important. We must step out in faith for Him to receive us. We can not experience the reality of a personal relationship with God until we first recognize Him as God, as Creator, Maker, All-sustaining, All-sufficient, Sovereign, of this universe. And this song reminds me to listen for the call and respond when I hear it. The opportunity to participate with God almighty in His cosmic purposes for the world is very special and we should not, as small human beings take it lightly.


Pale by Within Temptation

"The world seems not the same/ Though I know, nothing has changed." For 19 years I have lived in the same town, visited the same places, known most of the same people and yet some days I wake up and the world pulsates with the joy of existence and other days depression drowns everyone in quiet misery. The point is the world can look and feel very differently at different times, the key is recognize what is actually changing because most of the time the change is just something inside of me.

"Time is precious/ It is worthwhile/ Despite how I feel inside? Have to trust it'll be alright/ Have to stand up to be stronger." Time is short, feelings usually don't tell the whole story, God will guarantee things turn out alright and I will never succeed if I stay on the ground.

"Oh this night is to long/ Have no strength to go on" Sometimes life just feels that way and it's helpful to have song to go along with the feelings.

"Through the mist I see the face/ Of an angel, calls my name/ I remember you're the reason I have to stay." Fortunately when the night feels forever long God calls to us out of the darkness, he calls us by name because He knows us and our weakness and if we listen and respond we'll be encouraged to pick ourselves back up and do what needs doing and fulfill our destinies.

Favorite Songs Part 1

Since writing my last post I've rediscovered an old song which I heard awhile ago and had forgotten about. So there will be a surprise addition to my list of seven songs.

There was no particular reason for the order of the songs I listed yesterday. Looking back over them though they seemed to be grouped most conveniently. First up we have, I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack.

This song is rather uncharacteristic for me, I'm not normally a fan of the genre. The choice is particularly ironic because I don't dance...ever. Not even in my dreams do I dance. However this song is ranked so highly by me because it speaks of hope, and humility yet is restrained by truth. There's plenty of songs that paint pretty pictures of life and encourage people to hope for things that only happen in fairy tales. This song though is fenced in by the lyrics, "Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along. Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone" It's important to hope for and pursue good things that have not yet come to pass. But to hope for things that can not come to pass or will not ever happen is not merely stupid but it's immoral and wrong as well. This song reminds us that we are bound by time and that it rolls on quickly. From this foundation we proceed to the rest of the song. We learn to stand in awe of the oceans grandeur, to consider the beauty of the heavens, to love hard and never give up. This song reminds us that life is about choices. We can sit on the sidelines, we can watch others participating in the struggles and the pain, in the joy and the victories and we can exist by ourselves until time rolls on by and we find ourselves look back wondering where the years have gone. Or we can choose to participate to share in the trials and the pain to share in life's hardships and life's triumphs. To dance as it were even when your feet have blisters and your ankles are sore.


Next comes a song more to my personal tastes. Blow Me Away by Breaking Benjamin.

The feel of this song is where it's message lies. It's lyrics are rather vague and repetitive. The song incorporates a message though which I know I need to learn and relearn almost everyday and I believe most of my generation needs to learn as well. The message is that, life is hard, time is short and most people are not going to survive. "No time to lose, We've got to move, Steady the helm." It means to me, consider my ways, count my days and focus. Realizing that I can die at any moment how am I going to choose to act right now? Should I continue righting this blogpost or should I go tell my sister how much I love her? or maybe I should go try to evangelize to all my neighbors. Regardless of what you happen to think I should do in light of the fact that life is not guaranteed a minute from now, I hope we can agree that nobody should simply let life pass them by. "The chorus says, "Only the strongest will survive, lead me to heaven when we die, I am the shadow on the wall, I'll be the one to save us all." As I get older and learn to understand people better I'm realizing that most people as they get older are not maturing. They are simply accumulating experiences the weight of which is slowly crushing them. Most people are in a process of slowly dying. To live we must filter our experiences and think through them so that we understand them. This song has taught me that just because my heart is beating I'm not alive and unless I strive to survive I will fail and become just like everybody else.

Oel ngati Kameie, it means I see and understand who and what you are. I watched the movie Avatar yesterday with my brothers and I heard this song again for the first time in awhile. The lessons I learned from and the reminders I was given after reading the lyrics would be enough for two or three blogposts by themselves. Boiling everything down to a summary statement I was reminded that I very often look and do not see, or I see and do not understand. For example how often do I look at my Bible and see merely one cover amongts many? Or how often do I see my Bible and fail to understand that there within it's thirteen hundred pages is wisdom and truth that has conquered kingdoms and destroyed cultures. Within it's covers are the foundational truths of human existence, who we are? why we are here? where we are going? where did we come from? what is love? what is truth? what is reality? who is God? what is prayer? Answers to all these questions and more are there for my perusal and yet nine times out of ten I simply see a worn black cover with golden lettering. Or another example, consider how many people look at their lives and see only things worth complaining about. they see themselves and do not understand that they are a unique individual created to fulfill a cosmic destiny.

Music To Think About

In an attempt to better understand what's going on inside my head I've tried to identify a selection of songs that help me answer questions about me like, who I think I am?  who I actually am? what I hope to be? and what I care about? Music is a powerful teacher and in our culture in which music is only increasing in popularity it's important to pay attention to the music we're listening to. The person who doesn't understand themselves will never really be in control of their actions. Thinking about our music choices allows us to understand more of what is important to our spirits.

Below are 7 songs, each of which represent different aspects of my character.. I'll be writing two or three blogposts over the next week or so explaining why the songs are significant. My mind is a confusing and chaotic place and I don't totally understand all the reasons for why these songs are symbolic to me, yet they all are and I"m excited to learn more about myself as I write about them. I Hope you enjoy the music.


                                                     I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack

Blow Me Away by Breaking Benjamin

The Call by Celtic Woman

Pale by Within Temptation

Darkness by Blackmore's Night

Once In Every Lifetime

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing

by

Abigail Zsiga

                        “Music is a moral law. It gives a soul to the universe, wings to the
                         mind, flight to the imagination, a charm to sadness, gaiety and life
                           to everything. It is the essence of order, and leads to all that is
                                 good, just, and beautiful, of which it is the invisible, but
                                   nevertheless dazzling, passionate, and eternal form" 

I don't know who wrote this but it's not from Plato like the internet says it is. 

Plans For What's Next.

The world is a big place and for the past year and a half I've been excited to see more of it. All of my life I've grown up in the same neighborhood, hanging out with the same sort of people, cracking the same sort of jokes, reading the same sort of books and watching the same sorts of movies. Because I've read alot I've always been aware that just over the horizon were people and cultures as different from me as night is from day. My reading awakened in me a hunger to go, to explore to become apart of those peoples lives and do my level best to understand these people and their cultures. 

For along time that hope was nothing more than a dream; some shadow on the fringes of my daily existence. Slowly that shadow has stepped into the light of day. As I went from homeschooling to a private school to an online college to graduating college one year after high school my dreams for my future slowly began to take actual shape. The process of manifestation has revealed a reality different from the dream I had while I was in high-school and college. As a student I wanted to go, and live and travel and study. I wanted to ride horses through the Mongolian steppes and hear Orthodox monks chant their liturgy that dates back a thousand years.While these are still very real desires which one day I'd like to satisfy. For now the more important desire is one for understanding. I want to talk to people, to read their great books, to learn their language and discover their mysteries. My culture and my relationship with God has left me with powerful beliefs about the nature of our world, the definition of truth and the reality of God's form and existence. I want to test my beliefs in the context of another culture, in a religious, political and social environment entirely different from what I've grown up in.

The Five pagoda temple built before two generations before the United States ever existed.

To live and exist in a culture other than my own will test my beliefs, will shape them and cultivate them. I'm so excited for the man I will be twelve months from now when I may or may not come home depending on how it goes. God has been so kind to me, so very merciful. I have an everlasting stream of reasons to be thankful for all the things God has seen fit to give me as I've gone through this process. The truth that if God is on your side you can never fail has been proved again and again. Initially I was not so excited to go to China. Of all the countries in East Asia, China was the last on my list to teach in. As I've thought more though China is in many ways ideal for my purposes. China is the oldest culture in East Asia rich in lore and wisdom. It's culture dates back to long before the birth of Christ and it's sages have meditated on truths that the west with it's Christian hedonism has long since forgotten.  In addition China is in many respects the political and social opposite of the United States, a perfect environment to experiment with my belief structure. 

Writing about it makes my excited. There is much to be excited about in my life and in yours. I go now to prayer. Thanks all of for your support and kindness may the peace of God be with you.